He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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