i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
