A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
