I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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