Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
