Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My feet surprised me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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