When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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