The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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