If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
