Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
