I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
