I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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