I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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