I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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