so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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