The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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