I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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