Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
