Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
