evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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