The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
