I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
