dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
