she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
