Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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