So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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