I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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