i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
someone owes me an orgasm
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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