Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
