I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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