ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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