umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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