I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
