Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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