btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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