You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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