If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
