too bad you live with your parents still
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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