I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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