I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
