yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
