If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
