Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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