According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
zippers are such a cool invention
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize