So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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