Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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