im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
