I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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