I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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