I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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