there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
