I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
