Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
