woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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