Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Still dying that you shit outside
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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