True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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