so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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