glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
