i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize