I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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