The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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