what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
