She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
