maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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