She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
