awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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