Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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