DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
