Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
