I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
