I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have feelings that need drinking.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
