i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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