U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
