It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
