fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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