His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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