The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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