every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
love makes seman taste better
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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