He kissed a someone with a penis
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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