it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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