Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
