In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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