mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
did you just send me my own nude
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
