I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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