piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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