I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
