The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
