he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
