how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
