with your own penis?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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