after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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