coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
