THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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