my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
