I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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